Table of Contents
- Shame and shaming, it is everywhere.
- Your futures changing power move is to name your shame.
- Name your shame, and make it lose its power when used against you.
- Name your shame, and make your internalised shame loosen its grip of you
- Naming my shame: "I let malicious people shame me, let it affect my view of myself"
- Do you let shame stop you from pursuing the life and future you want?
- FAQs
Shame and shaming, it is everywhere.
Shame has power over you only because you are trying to hide it, deny its existence or the cause of it. Name your shame to release yourself of its hold.Lets play with some perspectives here, because that may just have the power to change the way you approach your future.
The things you shame are among the most limiting factors of you in building the future you would want. Shame and shaming, it is everywhere.
Someone saying “I’m not ashamed of anything” may be true. It may as well mean, that the person is so deep in denial that they do not admit their shame even to themselves. It is quite rare that someone would not have anything they shame, or that they would not have had a shame they have overcome.
This is due to societal hierarchies, aka us people. We are using shame and exclusion as a default in enhancing our own standing. It is likely that most of us have experienced it or are currently experiencing it.
You will recognise the people who have faced and processed their shame from their ability to name their shame, or shames.
Your futures changing power move is to name your shame.
It’s quite usual to have a number of things to feel some shame about, have issues that you are hiding or even denying. Things that make you feel inferior or surface your impulse to explain yourself.
Your futures changing power move is to name your shame. Identifying and naming your shame will be groundbreaking. For first coping with and finally letting go of the feeling.
Shame is an emotion getting its power from your need to hide it. This also means it will have to let go of you, when you bring its source to the light. First for yourself, then maybe for the others.
You will not have to talk to everyone about it.
However, by naming your shame and being open for talking about it, you will notice other people with similar experiences starting to open up about their feelings.
In fact, someone who names their shame will encourage others to name theirs. Through dialogue, these shames surface, and they begin to lose control. The dialogue is extremely healing.
You can observe this by listening to people talking about their sources of shame on social media. Reflect:
- How do people opening up about their shame make you feel?
- Do you find their experiences empowering, still a bit frightening?
- Do you feel second-hand embarrasment on their behalf? If so, why do you think it is?
- Can you see yourself opening up about the things you feel ashamed about? Either privately or more openly.
Also, observe others' comments and notice how many people are helping and supporting those facing their shame. How a dialogue may become a support group for people releasing their shame.
Side note: We all know, there are those people in the comment sections who use this opportunity to shame further. There will always be those people whose own shame is strong enough for them to feel second-hand shame for others. Yes, the amount of their unprocessed shame could be read between the lines, but lets not bother. It´s theirs to deal with.
Let's concentrate on the support, because it is real and you can be a part of it. Social media gives a prime example, but you will not need to go that public with your shame to release its hold of you.
You can name your shame and you can have these dialogues in more private settings.
Personal Futurist Consultation: Reinventing Futures Beyond Comeback
€90,00
"When you need someone to talk to, someone who will be on the side of your futures, whatever has happened to you" Do you feel like not only something, but almost everything will need to change for you to be… read more
Name your shame, and make it lose its power when used against you.
Shame is quite widely used societally, as means of control. There is a great chance that your shame is being used against you in some areas of your life.
For example, there is often a shame-based feeling of inferiority behind people-pleasing tendencies. That will begin to shift as you rise to the occasion and name your shame.
How does that shift feel like:
- You will be more prone to notice if someone is trying to use it against you, even in a more subtle manner.
- You will also notice when you have been you are compromising too much, because your underlying feeling of inferiority had not allowed you to require more.
You see, shame is one of the most influential tools of manipulation, making someone feel not deserving.
When you have named your shame, it can not be used against you the same way as when you were hiding it. Naming your shame or shames, and being open about them will change your future.
Name your shame, and make your internalised shame loosen its grip of you
The major issue of having been shamed of something is not necessarily the active shaming, but the internalised shame it may have caused. The internal belief of inferiority shaming has built within you. The fear of being shamed again. Or worse, you shaming yourself and thus limiting your life in the fear of being shamed again by others.
So when you have named your shame, it can not be used against you. Not by other and even more importantly, by yourself.
What will happen:
- Identifying and naming your shame will develop your self-awareness and self-acceptance. It will begin the acceptance of yourself as you are. With your flaws and failures, as the imperfect and interesting person you are.
- Name the shame, push it aside from the center stage of your life and it will stop shadowing all the great qualities you do have.
- Naming and especially being open about the sources of your shame will increase your courage, which is an experience that will strengthen your confidence.
- You will be able to face your future and see opportunities, which you would not have been able to dream about without the added acceptance of yourself.
- You might lose people. Do not be too sad about this, because most of them will be the ones who benefitted of the shame fueled, easily manipulated, people pleasing version of you. They will make room for people, who respect you.
Guided Futures Exploration June 10th: Beyond Comeback — Reinvent Your Futures
€119,00
Are you ready to begin Reinventing your Life and Future? "This is first aid kit I would have needed, when my life fell apart. When I lost the futures I thought I had been heading towards. I did not find… read more
Naming my shame: "I let malicious people shame me, let it affect my view of myself"
Im a prime example of denying my source of shame. Like I would have let opinions of others affect the way I see myself?
This is one of my stories about facing and naming my shame. I have had my share of shames, but one of the most prevailing ones throughout my life was originated from body shame. It was not easy to identify.
I was, am and will always be overweight. I have heard my share of ridicule about it since the childhood.
I was always rather unbothered about at the surface and did not even try to hide it that much. Still, I was of course deeply aware about my physique being a target of judgement and how people evaluated me.
I embraced a healthier lifestyle in my 20s and became a professional in sports and well-being. Year after year, I felt better about myself. Still, I did not, until my forties, realise or admit the impacts of that deep rooted childhood shame on my perception of myself.
Something major changed for good as I reflected on my deeper emotional sources. The body-shaming of my childhood had made me feel somewhat inferior throughout my life.
Was it too late to figure out that at forties?
My shame was that I had let people shame me, let it affect my view of myself. I had internalised the shame and let it limit my courage.
The way I saw myself changed for good as I was finally able to face and name my shame. As I was aware and confident enough to accept what the inferiority, the body-shaming of my childhood, had made me feel throughout my life. I realised the non-beauty-standard body was only a reason for being shamed, the thing people saw could be used against me. In reality, all these years I had been more ashamed to admit that my self-trust and acceptance weren´t as strong as I would have wanted them to be.
"That someone actually had so much power over my self-confidence for something as superficial as my weight? Camon!" That sure did not fit into the image I held about myself.
From the moment I named my shame and understood its roots, the traces of inferiority began to evaporate. I accepted the feeling. Or, at this point the memory of the feeling of shame, and was able to begin releasing it.
I also realised and accepted that the people who had shamed me, were probably just hiding their own shames by shaming others.
The name of my shame was not being overweight or fat, it was that I had allowed people to make me feel inferior for my body and physique. My actual shame was that I had let people shame me, let it affect my view about myself. I had let power seeking, insecure people influence my own acceptance and love towards me. For that, I had, probably too many times, settled for less than I would have needed or wanted.
For me, this was a long mental road, but it finally freed me from shame. Name the shame, that had been used against me to gain control over my life and understanding the wider impacts of that feeling of inferiority.
As a side note, I have also talked in public about a few larger magnitude failures I have made, which were actually worth feeling ashamed for. Having named one shame, you will also gain the understanding to process and name the other shames, even the failures you need to carry responsility for, and release their hold of you.
Do you let shame stop you from pursuing the life and future you want?
Lets continue our play with perspectives on shame. Because the things you shame are among the most limiting factors of you, building your future.
Shame is your future-shaping constraint system:
- It narrows your perceived possible futures (“people like me don’t…”)
- It filters weak signals (you ignore opportunities that conflict with your identity)
- It biases scenario-building toward self-limiting narratives
- It reduces agency under uncertainty (I can´t...)
My experience as a Personal Futurist suggests that these types of underlying assumptions are the core of us, not pursuing the life we desire to lead.
It is too often not about the environment or other people, but the beliefs we hold about our own value. Often, the shames were originated by the other people or the environmental dynamics we lived in, but we are the only ones having the power to release ourselves.
No, let me be more clear in this "You are the only one who can release yourself".
You are the only one able to release yourself of the shame you are holding. Not by denial, but by processing and accepting it.It might be the body, mind, capabilities, conditions, economic or social dynamics, habits or failures that you have felt and have been made ashamed for.
At the end of the day, you may also realise something similar that I did. The shame may also have something to do with giving up some of the control over your life to the opinions of others, the emotion of shame itself and feelings of inferiority it inflicte
Naming shame, naming the shames or even a part of them you can catch, will make you understand yourself in ways, you will never have to deny the existence of it.
Instead, you can let the experience grow your self-acceptance and confidence, and treat yourself with understanding and love, which you do deserve.
Confronting yourself through the shames you hold, it is future-changing. When you have confronted yourself, seen yourself, there is nobody, or nothing, you could not confront. Naming your shame is your futures changing
Reinvent Your Futures: Free 8-Step Guide to Transform Your Life
€0,00
Get your FREE Guide here. Includes a 8 step plan apply for your futures. Welcome. This is your first, free glimpse to Reinvent Your Futures after Failure. Get your free access to the guide for 14 days. If the discussions… read more
